Thursday, October 30, 2008

Halloween Help Needed

I'm having trouble coming up with a Halloween costume that I can wear for work tomorrow. As a lifeguard, I'm quite restricted in what's practical and acceptable for the lifeguard stand. I was thinking a hat with a shark's fin, but of course I don't have one of those. I thought maybe a luau type costume because I could just wear a hawaiian shirt open over my guard suit and a flower in my hair. However, the only hawaiian shirt I own is a) three sizes too big (*she happily reports*) and b) still packed in a box somewhere. I suppose if I get very industrious I could stop in at Wal-Mart, but I'm not thinking I'll find one there. Then again, if I do, it'll probably be on the summer clearance rack. Woohoo... bargains!

Any suggestions??

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Halloween Cartoon

My contribution to the Halloween season:

Now THAT is scary.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Writer's Block

blinking cursor
mocking me
empty page
who knew poems
could be so mean

Thursday, October 16, 2008

You Are What You Eat

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Maybe It's My Job....

About 10 days ago, on the way to work, a Chevy S-10 decided to make a left turn in front of me. This is the result. I have an appointment to drop my SUV at the auto body shop this coming Monday, to have the front and passenger's side entirely redone.

Today, as I was sitting on the lifeguard stand counting down the minutes 'till I could leave, another guard came in and asked "What kind of car do you drive?"

My eyes narrowed involuntarily and a suspicious tone crept out with "a navy blue Trailblazer.... whyyyyy?"

She looked sheepish and said "I thought so. I sideswiped you when I was pulling out this morning."

I can only imagine the look that crossed my face. I am absolutely horrendous at holding in my feelings. At my old job I used to have to turn around every time my boss talked to me because I was pretty sure he could read "YOU ARE AN IDIOT" scrolling across my face. But I digress. I'm fairly certain I looked a little crazed.

I said "Tell me it was the passenger's side. Please tell me it was the passenger's side."

"No. The driver's side." *look of utter dismay from me* "It's really not that bad though," she added quickly, though clearly it WAS bad enough for her to tell me. She continued to try to convince me that it was minor but it kept sounding worse and worse. "It's just a few minor scratches.... I was able to rub my paint right off your bumper.... The noise was the worst.... I think that's when my piece of trim was peeling off my car...."

"Please stop," I said. She did.

She finally offered "If it's too bad let me know and I'll pay for it."

Which, in case you're wondering, it is, and she will be. She just doesn't know it yet.

Bringing me to the title of this posting and something I may need to further consider. One of my friends keeps telling me this is a clear sign I should quit my job and stay home and answer phones remotely for his business. Heh heh. It'd save me on the car wrecks I think.